I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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