The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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