This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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