matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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