So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
