There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
