it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
