Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
