South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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