i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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