I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
