I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
