Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
