he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
