I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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