The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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