I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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