i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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