I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I want to have your abortion
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
