Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
