Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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