how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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