I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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