my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think people are normalizing furries
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
