so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i will never coherently bang her
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
