I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
