Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
