Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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