Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
