Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
