Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
