I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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