Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
