hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
