I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
