He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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