my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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