My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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