$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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