we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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