she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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