my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
