sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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