; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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