That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
