dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
