I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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