About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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