it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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