I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
