i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
