her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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