You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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