Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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