i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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