Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
