Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
