he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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