I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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