sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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