it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
