Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
