Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
