remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
