wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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