You smell like a Billy Joel song
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we're making bets on your personal life
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
