Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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