We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We need a shit load of segways right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All the doctor said was why
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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