But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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