I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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