I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
