So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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