how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
