...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
