Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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