Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
