i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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