I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
MIDGETS
????
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
