You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
