Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
