she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
